ASD Men's MasterClass
If you have ASD, then you have some level of emotions-blindness. Not your fault. And your NT wife has probably blamed you for being selfish and simply not caring about - or understanding - how she feels.
If you have ASD, you will have some executive-function deficits. There are many executive functions, but to use the "working memory deficit" as an example, your NT wife may have blamed you for simply not caring about what she asks you to do, when in fact it’s difficult for you to remember some of these things.
We are NOT looking for excuses here, and we are NOT looking to get a "pass" for perceived callous behavior. We ARE looking to begin the process of developing some emotional literacy and social skills, such that you can connect with your spouse in a way that she will value and appreciate.
We will be meeting 1 hour a week for 6 weeks. We’re going to use Skype. The group will be approximately 90% educational and 10% Q and A. So, please have a notebook and pen handy during all 4 sessions. I will have plenty of handouts via downloadable/shareable Google Docs, and we will be video-recording the sessions. So, there will be plenty of opportunities to review the material discussed.
==> The next group will be meeting from: 1/5/23 to 2/9/23
==> We will meet on: Thursdays at 3 PM [Eastern Standard Time] for 1 hour.
If the time/date does not work for you, no worries. As I stated, I will be recording the sessions, therefore you can watch them at your convenience after our live meeting - and you will also have access to all the handouts.
If you have any questions, please email me: firstname.lastname@example.org
==> NOTE: I limit the number of members to 40, so register now before this group closes:
SOCIAL IQ – The social brain is responsible for the following:
- evaluating human voices
- attaching an incoming signal with an emotional value
- deciding whether a social signal really matters
- deciphering prosody (i.e., the additional tones and ways that people add layers of meaning to their spoken words)
- generating an initial emotional response to social stimuli (e.g., Should someone’s tone really impact me as much as it does? What does someone’s look really mean, and am I overreacting?)
- generating reactions in response to different situations
- helping control basic visual information
- helping us notice where someone else is looking
- selecting which of the myriad incoming social signals are the most important
- allowing us to observe other human bodies
- allowing us to know when incoming social signals are rewarding
- helping us to not just listen to what people say, but HOW it is said
- observing minute details of facial expression and body language
- perceiving important social cues
- regulating strong human emotions
EMOTIONAL IQ – The emotional brain is responsible for the following:
3. Impulse control: “Do I respond to people before they finish telling me something?”
4. Interpersonal relationships: “Do I enjoy socializing with people, or does it feel like work?”
5. Self-actualization: “Am I doing the things in life that I really feel passionate about in MULTIPLE DOMAINS of life (i.e., spiritually, physically, mentally, emotionally, socially, financially, vocationally), rather than focusing on only one narrow range of interest?
The goal here is NOT to make you more "neurotypical." There's nothing wrong with you - and you don't need to be "fixed." But, you can learn several ways to adapt to the neurotypical world, with the larger goal of reducing your relationship stress.
Anxiety-reduction is the paramount objective in this workshop. Without a significant reduction in anxiety, social encounters that are loaded with social and emotional nuances will be nearly impossible to navigate.
Most couples in a neurodiverse marriage are chronically in a stage I call "Resistance and Power Struggles":
- The ND spouses realize that they rarely live up to each other’s expectations.
- They often disappoint and unintentionally hurt each other.
- They now become intensely aware of their differences.
- They use control strategies to bring back the desired balance.
- Power struggles are common.
- Blame, judgment, criticism and defensiveness are likely outcomes.
- Fear and anxiety enter the relationship (e.g., “This relationship is not safe.”)
- The couples’ thinking can narrow into either/or, right/wrong, good/bad polarities.
In order to turn this around, there will need to be a new-and-improved stage I call "Discovery, Reconciliation and Beginning Again":
- Here, both parties will need to learn more about each other’s strengths and weaknesses.
- They will need to learn to identify - and talk about - their fears instead of acting them out.
- They will have to avoid judging or blaming each other.
- They will have to translate their complaints into requests for change.
- They will need to see each other in a new light (i.e., we are both gifted and flawed).
- They will have to find a new balance of separateness and togetherness, independence and intimacy.
Are you ready to get busy? Then let's go!
Don't miss out!
Mark Hutten, M.A.